
Inspector Winship: ¿No, I'm saying you kill me.¿ Tart: ❺re you saying I killed Lord Morley?¿ Inspector Winship: ¿If you killed Lord Morley, would you write andask someone to find the killer?¿ĭr. Tart: ¿Maybe whoever killed Lord Morley wrote that letter.¿ As long as it¿s funny, I don't care and man, are Conway andKnotts funny. Given their TV background, it probably shouldn¿t be surprisingthat the movie plays out like a TV movie. This flickis so loosely plotted it makes the latest Star Wars movie looklike Shakespeare (YAY! I slammed Star Wars AND used the same cliché twice in one paragraph! Sorry. Suffice to say that The Private Eyes isn¿t exactlyShakespeare, it¿s more like one, long series of gag set-ups. Let¿s start the sketch, whenever you¿re readyand remember, the points don't matter.¿Īctually, the more I think about it, someone should look intoproducing a remake of The Private Eyes with Colin Mochrie andRyan Stiles. The rest of the moviethen turns into the Neil Simon version of Who¿s Line Is It Anyway? The staff at the mansion is like a bizarre episode of the partygame – ¿You are a proper British butler who goes insane whenever someonesays ¿murder.¿ You are a Gypsy groundskeeper who drinks and has his legcaught in an animal trap. It takes all of fifteen minutes from thestart of the movie to them ringing the doorbell. With this tiny set up, the tworoll up on the Morley Manor, where the Lord and Lady Morley have diedunder mysterious circumstances. Tart(respectively), two American investigators working for Scotland Yardunder the flimsiest of pretenses and cheapest of production values, likea gas attendant¿s Dick Van Dyke of an accent or the period cars, allwith their steering wheels on the left. Life is funny that way.Ĭonway and Knotts play Inspector Winship and Dr. But if I mention The Apple Dumpling Gang, everybodyknows what I'm talking about. Not so many people (excepting the few e-mailersafter my own heart that I mentioned above) remember The PrivateEyes. The body of these guy¿s work is the years and years theyworked on television. Thatthey are underrated is probably due to the fact that the two of themdidn¿t actually do a lot of movies together. The Private Eyes is (and I may be wrong, but I don't thinkso) the last movie outing of the most underrated comedy duo in thehistory of two funny guys hanging out together – Knotts and Conway. Booooo! However, it¿s a decent print and it¿s in farbetter shape than my old VHS copy. The really bad news however is that the movieisn¿t letterbox. Iam sad to report that the disc is a little short on extras (there is atrailer and production stills I haven¿t listened to the commentary byTim Conway yet – I'm all a-tingle), though that was to be expected on aminor title like this.


I did not, at the time of writing, own the DVD, butI do now (I highly recommend ordering DVDs online and then going away ona trip – man, having a DVD in your mail when you get back is awesome). Now, the reason I mentioned The Private Eyes was because Ihad discovered it was available on DVD (a rare choice on behalf of a DVDproduction company). Nearly a thousand words on an entirely different movieand all my mail that week was about this movie. That¿s awesome.Īnother example would be a few columns back when I mentioned – MENTIONED – in passing the Tim Conway / Don Knotts classic, ThePrivate Eyes. While I did get alot of mail, it wasn¿t from the hordes of slobbering geeks like I¿dexpected (though there were a couple of notable, long-winded andgrammatically suspect exceptions) – they were mostly from people whogave the film pick a thumbs up. I dig you guys becauseyou constantly surprise me.įor example, last column I reviewed Hackers, a movie review Ipretty much expected would overload my mail server to the point that mymonitor would actually explode, showering me with shards of glass andplastic (the phosphor residue really makes it sting). And why do you make me happy when skies are gray? You¿ll neverknow dear, so I should probably just tell you.


I have to tell you, you guys are my sunshine, my only sunshine.Which is good, because the weather in my neck of the woods has been asslately.
